My job requires me to type. My schooling requires me to write a lot. Conversing with friends via facebook or text message requires me to craft responses and to submit requests and answer questions. I am bombarded by words. So many times I wish I could stop looking at a screen, yet typing is the most convenient form of writing. I like to see my own handwriting, but that makes my hand cramp a lot quicker and I often time lose track of my thoughts since I cannot write quickly legibly. Maybe that is what I need though. To slow down. Maybe that is what we all need. To master the art of handwriting, of crafting personal notes and letters, of not always publishing everything we write to the world, but keeping it for ourselves – to come back and reflect on later, edit, revise, digest, reevaluate, then to maybe publish. Or maybe we need an outlet that is all ours. One that only we really would care about reading later.
I start a lot of sentences lately “So I was thinking…”. When I say this to my boyfriend he often rolls his eyes. However, most of these statements are really profound to me. Maybe they are simple, “duh” moments, but they have a large impact on my way of seeing things or thinking. What is wrong with this? Does this deserve an eye roll? Either way, my schooling and work has allowed me a bit more time to reflect and I appreciate that. Even though I feel bombarded with words, all these words that I am seeing and hearing are allowing me to understand myself and the world I live in a bit better.
And then there is the opposite of words: silence. But there is never really true silence. There may be no music, no sound of an electrical device or heating unit, no voices, instruments, or nature sounds and yet there is still my mind. Even when I try to make it whisper I cannot escape its voice. The thoughts that are always roaming around; like waves washing up on a shore always pulling new things in with the tide. Often times the tide takes me much further out than I want to be or even to a whole different shore and I get lost in my own thoughts. Is it not scary how much I can think and how useless most of it can be?
Shhhhh…
Shhhhhh..
I wish I could go live on a mountain, drink tea and read books. It would be snowing outside, but I wouldn’t have to go outside. I could just enjoy it from my window, watching the snowflakes gracefully dance around until they find their home on the group or window sill. I would sit by the fire and savor a cup of cinnamon tea while wearing fuzzy socks and a flannel shirt. I would spend my days cooking, eating, reading, crocheting, watching movies and shows, listening to indie music (or really whatever was in my fancy at the moment), sewing, writing, painting, studying (maybe..only what I wanted), and developing new skills. I would read how-to books on different crafts, housework (such as fixing things – leaky faucets, broken toilets, etc), the history of foods and colors and significant people, and maybe even read a book or two that would simply bring back my desire to live in another world. I could imagine that I lived in Narnia, letting my front door be the wardrobe and the snow my cold welcome. I could imagine that I am a witch, practicing my potions by mixing flour, eggs, and milk to bake cakes and cookies. I could create scenes of love stories, my prince coming to find me, or better yet me coming to rescue him. Am I alone in my cabin? Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe I am waiting for someone to come in the door. Maybe I am waiting for someone to wake up. Maybe I just need to be by myself, my thoughts, and a solo mug of tea.
Words. They are sometimes the bridge between our thoughts and our actions and other times the things that keep us from expressing ourselves fully. How can we express ourselves without them? Truly and fully? We could use our bodies and actions and efforts to an extent but how would someone know our intention, desires, needs, aspirations, dreams, hopes, values, and so much more without a few words? A wordless world is one I cannot yet imagine.
Post written on Nov. 13, 2014
Post published on Dec. 22, 2014
typing aloud 